Handling your stress is one thing. Dealing with the stress that
other people cause can be much more difficult.
- The web developer who misses deadlines and makes mistakes...
- The marketing manager who doesn't follow directions carefully...
- The maintenance company whose technician is always late...
And the list goes on.
This three-step technique we've taught many of our clients will help
you avoid being victimized:
Step 1: Identify the problem behavior.
Zero in on the facts:
"When you're late making the website changes we've agreed on..."
"When you talk loudly with other people outside my office..."
Avoid: offering your opinions and judgments about their behavior.
You'll just put them on the defensive. For example, you don't need to
point out that you think it's unprofessional to throw papers down on a
desk when they're frustrated after a meeting with their boss.
Step 2: Describe the impact on your work.
Focus on how their behavior affects your work performance:
"...we're not able to roll out the customer promotions on schedule, which means that the company takes a financial hit..."
"...it distracts me from my work and then I have a hard time getting
going again..."
Avoid: talking about how you feel about their behavior. For example,
you don't need to tell them that "you hate it when you act like that" or
that "you're acting like a baby". They'll probably get angry or even
more upset - which won't help you reach a solution.
Step 3: Ask solution-oriented questions.
Take a collaborative approach:
"What could you or I do that would help us avoid this problem?"
"How do you think we could avoid this in the future?"
Avoid: trying to solve the problem unilaterally, without their input. You may not
have a full picture of the situation. Maybe the reason your co-worker is
having conversations outside your door is that she doesn't have her own
office. On the other hand, she may simply not realize that she's
distracting you. Each situation calls for a different solution.
And finally:
Don't waste time speculating about why they act this way.
Describe the behavior, the impact on your work, and focus on solutions.
Related articles on dealing with difficult people:
When Employees Star In Soap Operas
Burnout
Warning Signs For Wellness Professionals
Self-Assessment: The Habits Of Good Management
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